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Scared to love

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   Loving someone.  For some people it’s normal, for some it’s unnecessary, and for some, i know its scary… We are taught to love each other. And so we were taught the teachers were the people we should trust no matter what, we believed what we taught.  Then it came in: disappointment. We loved, thought the present will continue in the future. But they left. Or they weren’t the people they used to be. Maybe they didn’t go physically, but they were different. And we couldn’t change them. When we realize we couldn’t change the people around us, we decided to change ourselves. All our belief system was the thing that made us this disappointed. Once we changed, our environment changed. Yes, the disappointments were gone, but now the environment wasn’t safe. How could we possibly trust anyone again? Is this life? If I live this way on the purpose of not getting hurt by the disappointments, wouldn’t I feel tired by the pressure of distrust? We had the choice: We were going...
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Be thoughtful towards yourself

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  Self-love.  Easy to say, hard to do.  Because the interrogation that my mind does to me all the time… just never stops.  “Am i good enough? Do the people around me think that i am a dummy? Do i deserve all these? I’ve worked, yes, but i have to do more.” The work I did is not important, there will always be more i have to do. Because i once believed self-love I wish i had, will come with the accomplishments i make.  LIE. THAT IS A COMPLETE LIE.  How do i know? I did, I did accomplish something, but again, I wasn’t satisfied at all. Even if I was able to feel the love i wanted, i knew that i wasn’t going to feel safe. Because that love would have been a reciprocal love. I would feel stressed about being “accomplished”, because if i didn’t, i would know that the love won’t come back again. Taking care isn’t this. Taking care of you means not knocking off giving yourself love, even if you couldn’t make it, even if you weren’t perfect, EVEN if you didn’t sati...
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New starts are hard

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  HELLO! Starts are… Pretty hard! And it’s the first impression i will make in your eyes, so at the same time it’s worrisome.  But, anyway i have finally felt the power to start.  A weird kind of start to a writing, right? Let me make my actual introduction. Hey you there! It’s sooo nice to meet you. My name is Beyza. Actually, i already have a blog, but i write there in my main language, which is Turkish. Even though I wasn’t writing there continuously, it gave me the “confidence” i genuinely needed. This is something you will learn about me by time. As everybody, i have some fears and insecurities. I had to face them in different ways all my life. The “non-confident” me has gone and came back again in different clothes, which  i call “make being perfect your life goal” clothe. In fact i have deleted a lot of my writings because of this perfectionist side of me. My especial goal for this blog is not to delete anything.  You probably wonder why am i starting a b...
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